Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Movie Review of Traitor

Traitor - 4.5/10
Directed By Jeffery Nachmanoff
Cast - Don Cheadle,Guy Pearce,Said Taghmaoui

Plot Summary
When straight arrow FBI agent Roy Clayton heads up the investigation into a dangerous international conspiracy, all clues seem to lead back to former U.S. Special Operations officer, Samir Horn.

Review
When I first read the synopsis and watch the trailer for Traitor,it looked promising.With an interesting plot and 3 very underrated actors,I was pretty eager to watch this movie.But alas,I was disappointed by the weak plot,script,direction and sadly the ending.The first half of the movie looked very promising.Don Cheadle(Hotel Rwanda) was excellent,his character is a Sudanese born devout American Muslim and a former US Army Explosives expert.I was very impressed by his accent and his acting.Said Taghmaoui(Sleeper Cell) is an underrated actor whom I think will be getting much bigger roles in the near future.His character is...well a terrorist.Guy Pearce whom I haven't seen in movies for abit,does a commendable job as the FBI agent.All I can say was with such a good cast,the movie was let down by a disappointing end,even with a predictable twist,I guess i was just hoping it wouldn't be a stupid Hollywood ending where the good guys win.what makes it worse is how the movie ends and trust me its a really stupid ending which really makes you wanna slap the fuck out of the person who wrote this shit.the screenplay was done by the director and the story was written by Steve Fucking Martins.yes the Steve Martin who does slapstick comedies like 3 Amigos,and Pink Panther(the real Closseau will always be the ever great Peter Sellers).Direction was rubbish as well.

As much as you love watching spy thriller movies or if you are a fan of Don Cheadle,do not waste your money watching this movie during the weekend.watch it on a weekday if you are that bored,if not just wait for the DVD rental.


Best Quotes
Samir Horn: The truth is complicated.

Recommended movies by the director
None

Movie Review of Transporter 3


Transporter 3 - 2.5/10
Directed by Olivier Megaton
Written by Luc Besson
Cast - Jasan Statham,Robert Knepper,Natalya Rudakova

Plot Summary
Frank Martin puts the driving gloves on to deliver Valentina, the kidnapped daughter of a Ukrainian government official, from Marseilles to Odessa on the Black Sea. En route, he has to contend with thugs who want to intercept Valentina's safe delivery and not let his personal feelings get in the way of his dangerous objective.

Review
Oddly enough,I have watched all 3 transporter movies.I don't know why,but I have.Jason Statham has done a lot of shit movies,but there are few that weren't so bad.His worst is definitely Crank.
Amongst the 3 Transporter movies,I still think the 1st one was watchable.If you are into recent Luc Besson movies then you will like the Transporter series.Transporter 3 doesn't have stellar acting(they never do),good script or even a decent plot but who cares..Its mindless entertainment.Its like a Michael Bay movie but only cheaper and of course like every recent Luc Besson written movies,there are many ridiculous scenes.Transporter 2 has a scene where Statham's character Frank Martin is driving his car(Audi) which has a bomb strapped underneath.So what our hero does is drive real fast till he hits a bump which makes the car somersault in mid air so that the crane with a hook can unhook the bomb and land the car back on the ground and continue driving.In Transporter 3, we have Jason Statham's character Frank Martin and his trusty car(Audi) in a situation where he has to drive his car in to a lake.while being submerged,he makes a phone call to the police inspector who tells Frank,he will be there in ten mins.So Frank punches his Bullet Proof glass door with his bare hand,gets out of the car,opens the boot to take the inflatable raft,goes to the car's tyres,inhales the air from the tyre abit then inflates the raft which will get the car adrift.Oh he couldn't leave the car because he has a bomb strapped to his wrist and it will explode if he gets too far away from his car.After his ordeal, he manages to start up his car(Audi) which was submerged in the lake 10 mins ago (with deflated tyres) and chases after a train where the villain has kept the Russian damsel in distress(Natalya Rudakova) hostage.

Now if you are excited or have a hard on just by this scenario alone,go ahead and watch this movie during the weekend.

Best Quote
Frank Martin: Do I look like a man who came half-way across Europe to die on a bridge?

Recommended movies by the director
None

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Movie Review of Zack and Miri make a Porno

Zack and Miri make a porno - 7.5/10
Directed by Kevin Smith
Cast - Seth Rogen,Elizabeth Banks,Jason Mewes,Jeff Anderson,Craig Robinson and Traci Lords

Plot Summary
Lifelong platonic friends Zack and Miri look to solve their respective cash-flow problems by making an adult film together. As the cameras roll, however, the duo begin to sense that they may have more feelings for each other than they previously thought.

Review
Now with a movie title like that,who wouldn't want to watch it eh? Hahaha.Zack and Miri make a porno is rated R21 and can only be seen from Golden Village cinemas.Its a typical Kevin Smith film and only fans of his movies will probably enjoy this one.movies like Clerks,Clerks 2 and Dogma.Even though Kevin Smith's direction are rather simple,it's his scriptwriting that really makes him who he is.All the lines in this movie are funny.Also if you are a fan of his older movies,you will also get to see his regular cast of actors also.its also good to see a mix of the cast of 40 year old virgin and Clerks coming together.As usual,Seth Rogen does an excellent job as the main comedic lead and Elizabeth Banks does a good job as the female lead as well.Coincidentally,they "had sex" in 40 year old Virgin.It is always nice to see Jeff Anderson aka Randall from Clerks,shooting his mouth off.but this time,I kinda felt he was alittle underutilized,then again this isn't a Clerks movie.Even the cameo appearances by Justin Long(Die Hard 4) and Brandon Routh(Superman Returns) was funny.But the guys who stole the show whenever they are on screen are Jason Mewes(Lester the Molester Cockenschtuff) and Craig Robinson(Delaney).They have the funniest lines and their facial expressions are fucking classic.
Direction like I mentioned earlier is simple.Cameraworks were ok too.Editing which was done by Kevin Smith also was not bad except for 2 scenes which was cut kinda abruptly.Script was brilliant.Soundtrack was nicely selected,you got a nice range of classic songs from bands like Jesus and Mary chain,DMX,Len,Blondie,Pixies and fucking Primus!

All in all,this movie is a definite must watch.Worth watching during the weekends.

Oh,I almost forgot,now if you grew up the hormonal times during the 80's,you probably must have watched porn tapes(Blue films was what we used to call it back then).You must have heard of this famous porn actress called Traci Lords.Traci Lords who quit adult films awhile back(she started when she was 16),started acting in quite a number of TV series then to movies.The first time I saw her was in Blade.
You also have Katie Morgan, another porn actress(for those who still watch porn might recognize her) who is still in the industry,did a pretty decent job.

Recently,I read a movie review from a critic of a certain newspaper discouraging people to watch this movie because it glorifies pornography, in her opinion,she thinks that adults especially those who just turned 21 will be encouraged by the movie to do porn and people who do not know about sex will think that its ok to fuck and film it just like the movie itself.Its pretty obvious that she is not a Kevin Smith fan.I don't know about you guys,but my parents never told me about the birds and the bees,in fact it was porn and friends.Most Asian parents during the 80's were conservative and felt uncomfortable telling their child about sex.It was always up to the child to figure it out.Well.that's my 2 cents worth anyway.So go check the movie out,who knows maybe YOU might get encouraged to fuck and film it.Hahaha...

Best Quotes
Zack Brown: What's your name?
Lester: Lester... Lester the Molester Cockenschtuff.
Zack Brown: Wow. That's a great porn name.
Lester: I get to pick a porn name?... Then I want to be called... Pete Jones.

Lester: I even tried to talk her into givin' me the fuckin' Dutch Rudder... shot me down on that, too.
Zack Brown: And a Dutch Rudder is...?
Lester: You don't know what a Dutch Rudder - alright, you grab your dick, and then you have somebody else work your arm. Here, lemme show you. Grab my arm, I'm grabbing my dick, you're grabbing my arm... now work it. Work it. Work my arm. See that shit? Now work it up and down. See that? It's like somebody else is jerking you off.


Zack Brown: This is just the beginning, guys. If Star Whores works and *it will*, we are set up for sequels galore. The Empire Strikes Ass.
Miriam Linky: Return of the Brown Eye.
Deacon: The Phantom Man Ass.
Delaney: And Revenge of the Shit: The All Anal Final Chapter.
[awkward silence]
Zack Brown: ...okay.
Delaney: Revenge of the Shit, you got it?
Miriam Linky: No, yeah we got it.
Stacey: Ew.
Delaney: [under his breath] Fuck you, mothafuckas.

Recommended movies by the director
Clerks 1 and 2
Dogma
Jay and Silent Bob strikes back

Friday, December 12, 2008

Movie Review of Body of Lies


Body of Lies - 6/10
Directed by Ridley Scott
Cast - Leonardo DiCaprio,Russell Crowe, Mark Strong

Plot Summary
Roger Ferris(Leo Dicaprio) uncovers a lead on a major terrorist leader suspected to be operating out of Jordan.

Review
Recently Ridley Scot has been doing a couple of shit movies like A Good Year and Kingdom of Heaven,he was pretty ok with American Gangster and like that Body Of Lies was ok as well.A very predictable high budgeted standard CIA movie based on terrorism.
From a visual point of view,Ridley Scott does it without difficulty.This is a director who knows what he is doing and does a damn good job even though if the plot or the script was weak,Ridley Scott would make up for it.Luckily for everyone,he is nothing like his retarded brother,Tony Scott.So by saying that,cinematography,camera works and direction were top notch.Screenplay however wasn't really that good,even though it was done by an Oscar winner,William Monahan(who is the same idiot who bastardized Infernal Affairs and turned it to Departed).
Acting was surprisingly good.Leo DiCaprio did a really commendable job on this.I have to admit, he was good in Blood Diamonds also.Russell Crowe does have acting skills besides getting angry and throwing telephones at hotel lobbies.The supporting cast was good also,the guy who stole the show was Mark Strong who eerily resembles like Andy Garcia but only more dark and evil.Every time he appears on screen,the menacing look, he gives does give you the creeps.An up and coming actor,I would watch out for..Mark Strong.
And that's all there is about the movie because the ending was rather tame.I wished they could have come up with a much more better ending and Ridley Scott would have another good movie under his name.

It's better to rent the dvd and watch Body of Lies.But if you really have nothing to do,then go ahead and watch it on a weekday.

Best Quotes
Hani: You Americans are incapable of secrets because of your democracy

Ed Hoffman: Ain't nobody likes the Middle East, buddy. There's nothing here to like.

Recommended movies by the director
Gladiator
Alien
Blade Runner
Black Rain

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Movie Review of Bolt


Bolt - 4.5/10
Directed by Byron Howard,Chris Williams
Cast - John Travolta,Miley Cyrus,Susie Essman,Mark Walton and Malcolm Macdowell

Plot Summary
The canine star of a fictional sci-fi/action show that believes his powers are real embarks on a cross country trek to save his co-star from a threat he believes is just as real.

Review This is definitely one of the most visually stunning yet boring animated movies.Apparently its Pixar's 1st movie under Disney.And Disney movies are fucking boring as hell.Even the old school cartoons were fucking boring!(Warner Bros Cartoons rule!)and Fuck Mickey Mouse as well.There have been very very rare Disney movies that I have enjoyed and sadly Bolt belongs to the pile of shit Disney movies that I don't.
To begin with..this is probably the worst voice over cast for an animated movie.First you get the alien worshipping idiot, Mr John "Look Who's Talking" Travolta in the lead role.Then you have that inbred cunt, Miley "Fucking Hannah Montana Chow Cheebye" Cyrus as the 2ND lead.The only other casting which I enjoyed were Susie Essman (who was the foul mouthed wife in Larry David's Curb your enthusiasm) and Mark Walton who is an unknown.Only these two were funny.Travolta who can dance but cant act for shit has another dud now.He cant do voice overs as well.The only funny scenes coming from his lead role is when he isn't talking and doing funny faces which is fucking sad for an actor of his calibre.
Now if you are into animations and all,this is just fucking amazing.From the dog's fur to the backgrounds,its just beautiful.I was little stunned by the whole imagery in the first 15 mins of the movie.Despite that and a typical feel good heart warming storyline,this movie was let down by the voice over cast.

I would highly recommend you not to watch this movie at all.If you have kids and they insist on watching this.you can either
a) slap them.
b)make them watch a good horror movie so they have nightmares.
c)read to them,L.Ron Hubbard's Battlefield Earth every fucking night.


Best Quotes
Rhino: Bolt! I can be a valuable addition to your team...
Bolt: I'm listening...
Rhino: I'm lightning quick; I have razor-sharp reflexes. Wha! And I'm a master of stealth.
[laughs]
Rhino: Plus, I'll keep the cat in check.
[Mittens rolls her eyes]
Bolt: [Gets down close to Rhino's ball] The road'll be rough.
Rhino: [indicates] I have a ball.
Bolt: There's no turnin' back.
Rhino: Guess I'll have to "roll" with the punches!
["surfs" his ball]
Bolt: Easy won't be part of the equation...
Rhino: Promise!
Bolt: I gotta warn ya, going into the belly of the beast - danger at every turn.
Rhino: [getting closer] I eat danger for breakfast!
Bolt: You hungry?
Rhino: [cracks neck] Starving!

Recommended movie by the director
None

Movie Review of Madagascar 2


Madagascar 2 - 6/10
Directed by Eric Darnall,Tom Mcgrath
Cast - Ben Stiller,Sasha Baron Cohen,David Schwimmer,Chris Rock,Jada Pinkett Smith

Plot Summary
The sequel to 2005's "Madagascar", in which New York Zoo animals, Alex the Lion, Marty the Zebra, Melman the Giraffe and Gloria the Hippo, still stranded on Madagascar, start to leave the island. All of a sudden, they land in the wilderness of Africa, where Alex meets the rest of his family, but has trouble communicating with them after spending so much time at the Central Park Zoo.

Review
I watched the first and was mildly amused.The only characters that made me laugh were the penguins and the monkeys.And this time,The directors made sure there were more scenes of the penguins.The penguins stole the first show and they stole the sequel as well.
Well the movie immediately starts off where the first one ended.The 4 New York zoo animals head back home,along with them,The Lemur King,Julian(voiced by Sasha Baron Cohen) and his assistant,Maurice(voiced by Cedric The Entertainer).Weirdly,in my opinion,Julian doesnt sound like the same Julian in the first movie.I felt that the accents were different.Sadly the Lemurs this time did not have enough screen time.
The chemistry between Ben Stiller and Chris Rock were pretty standard,though I would like to see them do a movie together besides animation.
Editing was ok.The plot was much better than the 1st Madagascar as it has abit more depth in it.The script however I feel,the 1st Madagascar is way much better and has more memorable and funnier lines.Animation is still as good as the 1st one.
Like I said earlier,all the classic scenes are from the penguins,everytime they appear on screen,you will bound to laugh yr ass off.

Worth watching on a weekday or just wait for the rental if you are not into animated movies.

Best Quotes
Gloria: So you must be Moto Moto.
Moto Moto: The name so nice you say it twice.

Kowalski: We've lost engine one.
Kowalski: And engine two is no longer on fire.
Skipper: [on the microphone] This is your captain speaking. I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we will be landing immediately.
[everyone claps]
Skipper: The bad news is we're crash landing.
[Plane goes on a dive]
Skipper: When it comes to air travel, we know that you have no choice whatsoever, so we thank you for using Air Penguin.

Recommended movies by the director
Madagascar
Antz

Movie Review of Rabbit without Ears


Rabbit without Ears(German) - 7.5/10
Directed by Til Schweiger
Cast - Til Schweiger, Nora Tschirner

Plot Summary
Rainbow press reporter Ludo is sentenced to 8 months, but is released on probation. But he has to work 300 hours for a local daycare center and meets Anna who has unfinished business with him.

Review
I love watching foreign movies and German thrillers esp. anything about the Nazis are my favourites.This is the first time I watched a romantic comedy in German.To be honest,I'm not a big fan of romantic comedies nowadays cause mostly they are about teenage cunts finding themselves and a fucking typical Hollywood ending which is nauseating.Luckily I took a chance watching this and it definitely turned out to be a great time in the cinema.
The last time I have watched Till Schweiger act was in the Stallone movie called Driven which is sadly about the American's lame version of Formula 1.I have not watched any of his German movies but would like to after watching Rabbit Without Ears.Till Schweiger co wrote this with Anika Denker and also directed it by himself which I think despite certain imperfections,the movie turned out well.
Cinematography was not bad and direction was ok.The plot however 115mins long,I felt was abit too long winded in the beginning and doesn't have a really attention grabbing powerful end but still there are lots of scenes which are funny,sad and happy in it.
Acting on the other hand was great.Nora Tschirner who kinda looks alittle like Audrey Tatou is a beautiful actress.She is pretty and can act(which lots of actresses cant).The transformation from a geek to a princess like woman was a natural for Nora.There was also very good chemistry between Nora and Till.Even the supporting cast did a great job.All 4 of Till Schweiger's children are in the movie.
But none of this can happen if there wasn't a great script.Even though it was German,it was still funny as hell.

Sadly this movie is not shown in many cinemas except certain Golden Village Cinemas.I would highly recommend you to watch this with your loved ones.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Movie Review of Taken


Taken - 4.5/10
Directed by Pierre Morel
Written by Luc Besson
Cast - Liam Neeson,Famke Janssen,Maggie Grace

Plot Summary
A former spy relies on his old skills to save his estranged daughter, who has been forced into the slave trade.

Review
I have managed to watch one of Pierre Morel's District 13 and i got to admin,it was one helluva action movie.it just totally reminded me of 80's action movies but with better fight and action sequences.so when I found that the movie Taken was done by him,so I decided to check it out.Well after watching Taken, I found out it wasn't as great as District 13 but it was not so bad.
Cinematography and cameraworks were pretty standard,nothing spectacular and all.Even the acting is rather normal.Casting on the other hand was bad.Liam Neeson as the former spy does not seem to fit the role at all.Famke Janssen as the divorced wife of Liam Neeson's character who now is happily married to some rich business man is really irritating and she has some really shitty lines as well.The worst is none other than Maggie Fucking Grace.At the start of the movie,I was already irritated by her acting,and she looked oh so familiar,she was none other than the irritating bitch who was in LOST Season 1.Good thing they killed her off.
The good thing about this movie is the fight sequences.all the scenes were nicely choreographed.
Overall,if you enjoy watching spy or assasins movies,you probably will enjoy this.
Wait for the dvd or watch it on cable.

Best Quote
Bryan: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Marko: [after a long pause] Good luck.

Recommended movies by the director
District 13

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Movie Review of Quantum Of Solace


Quantum of Solace - 6/10
Directed by Marc Forster
Cast - Daniel Craig,Judi Dench,Olga Kurylenko

Plot Summary
Seeking revenge for the death of his love, secret agent James Bond sets out
to stop an environmentalist from taking control of a country's water supply.

Review
I was eagerly waiting to watch Quantum of Solace which is the follow up to
Casino Royale,but after watching it I did have mixed reactions about it.When
I first heard that Marc Forster will be directing the Quantum of Solace, I
was wondering to myself, He is a good director and he has done quite abit of
really good character driven movies but can he do an action movie like Bond
series? well the answer is no.Even though there were lots of excellent
action sequences,there were some where the executions were pretty much
shit.One thing is for sure,the editor should receive that balls torture(from
Casino Royale) cause he did such a horrendous job.There were some scenes
like the whole plane fight scene which was utter rubbish.The first half an
hour really did irritated me alittle.The plot was not so bad considering
that it was written by Paul Haggis(Crash) who is also not a right person to
be writing action movies.There are lots of loopholes and unexplained parts.
On a brighter note,Daniel Craig did an excellent job as the brooding James
Bond.He pretty much did his own stunts and his fight sequences are fucking
awesome,you may think it does resemble like the Bourne series and that's
because the assistant director has worked on Bourne Ultimatum and Bourne
Supremacy.Judi Dench as M was cool as usual but somehow I felt she was
somewhat subdued.Olga Kurylenko as Camille looks way much better than Vesper
who really looks like a female preying mantis,but thats about it cause she
cant act for shit.
All in all I still enjoyed watching Quantum of Solace even though it isnt as
good as Casino Royale,guess thats because I have always been a little bit of
a 007 fan.Sean Connery has always been my favourite Bond but Daniel Craig is
a very close 2nd.

The Americans have their Jason Bourne but the British will always have their
James Bond.
Worth giving it a watch.

Best Quote
James Bond: How long have I got?
Felix Leiter: Thirty seconds.
James Bond: That doesn't give us a lot of time...

Dominic Greene: Be careful of this one, Mr Bond. She will not go to bed
with you unless you give her something she really wants... but you make a
fine couple - you are both, what is the expression? Damaged goods.

M: I thought I could trust you. You said you weren't motivated by revenge.

James Bond: I am motivated by my duty.
M: I think you're so blinded by inconsolable rage that you don't care who
you hurt. When you can't tell your friends from your enemies, it's time to
go.
James Bond: You don't have to worry about me.

Recommended movies by the director
Monster's Ball
Stranger than Fiction
The Kite Runner