Monday, April 22, 2013

Movie review of G I Joe: Retaliation

G I Joe: Retaliation - 2/10

Directed by Jon M. Chu
Cast - Channing Tatum, Dwayne Johnson, Byung Hun Lee, Ray Park,Ray Stevenson

Plot Summary
Framed for crimes against the country, the G.I. Joe team is terminated by the President's order, and the surviving team members face off against Zartan, his accomplices, and the world leaders he has under his influence.

Sometimes there are certain types of movie which I call"no brainer" movies where you don't give a fuck about the plot or anything, You just leave your brains out and get entertained by the actions and explosions(for example,Michael Bay's movies).
Sadly G I Joe: Retaliation isn't one of those movies. The first one sucked ass and this one sucks ass as well.Definitely one of the worst sequels, I have watched. Not even The Rock can save this movie. Heck..Not even Bruce Willis could save it.What a disaster. Wasted money watching this shit of a sequel.
Acting was bad....really bad. Direction was horrible and worse was the editing.Fucking lanjiao editing.Script was shit also.All the jokes are so bad,you wouldn't realize they were jokes.
GI Joe fans must be really pissed.First movie fucked up,now the sequel also. Within fifteen mins, You kill off Duke which was the main character for the first one and for GI Joe.Wasn't Channing Tatum,one of the top billing for this movie? Bruce Willis acted like he was still pissed about doing the fifth Die Hard(which was shit also). The women in the movie were just there for eye candy and showing off their fake tits. Cobra Commander has lesser screen time than you taking a shit.But hey at least he has the proper mask on unlike the bubble wrap looking mask from the last movie. Even lesser screen time was Destro. You could miss him in a fart. Zartan is in disguise 95% of the whole movie so its pretty much double acting by Jonathan Pryce. Ray Stevenson who is British acts as Firefly who has a Texan accent...Sigh...
Then you have Storm Shadow and Snake eyes who possibly are the reason why I give this movie a two instead of a zero.
Rock may have revived the Fast and Furious franchise but he is sure as shit not gonna do GI Joe any saving.

In fact Fuck GI Joe. I will never fucking watch any more GI Joe movies anymore.

Best quotesJoe Colton: You alright?
Lady Jaye: Yeah. Are you alright?
Joe Colton: My cholesterol is a little high.

Recommended movies done by the director.
None.The fucker directed Justin Bieber's never say never. So he can fuck off and die.

Movie review of Oblivion

Oblivion - 8/10
Directed by Joseph Kosinski
Cast - Tom Cruise,Morgan Freeman, Olga Kurylenko, Andrea Riseborough

Plot Summary
One of the few remaining drone repairmen assigned to Earth, its surface devastated after decades of war with the alien Scavs, discovers a crashed spacecraft with contents that bring into question everything he believed about the war, and may even put the fate of mankind in his hands.

All I can say after watching Oblivion is Cruise is back!!! What an awesome movie and a pleasant surprise, Oblivion turned out to be. I enjoyed it right to the very end.
Oblivion has a very good storyline which I cannot reveal anything as the spoilers will fuck the ride up. I will be as vague as possible. The effects are really good. I also liked the costumes for the movie. It has a mix of both futuristic and apocalyptic feel to it. I also liked the script and the direction was good as well.
Acting was fantastic. Cruise as usual did a fantastic job. His last movie, Jack Reacher was utter rubbish. I'm so glad he did this movie cause I don't think any other actor could pull it off. Morgan Freeman was at his usual best. The guy rarely gives a mediocre performance and he chooses his movies wisely as well.The surprise for me was Andrea Riseborough. I have not seen her any of her other movies but she pretty much stole the movie each time she was on screen. The only letdown for Oblivion was Olga Kurylenko. Her acting was atrocious. I kept cringing and groaning whenever she was onscreen. Her acting was so bad that even the drones acted better.My only flaw for the movie was Olga's acting.
I'm not gonna say much about the drones but to me, they are the stars of the movie. They are bound to creep you out. The drones had this 2001:Space odyssey vibe to them which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Worth watching on a weekend. You can also watch it with a loved one and get ready with a fantastic ride to Oblivion.
Just take note...after the movie,you will never look at a red light the same again.

Best Quotes

Jack Harper: 60 years ago, Earth was attacked. We won the war, but they destroyed half the planet. Every one's been evacuated. Nothing human remains. We're here for drone repair. We're the "mop-up crew".

Jack Harper: If we have souls, they're made of the love we share. Undimmed by time, unbound by death.

Jack Harper: Fuck you, Sally.

Sally: Are you an effective team?

Recommended movies done by the director
Tron Legacy