Friday, August 15, 2008

Movie Review of Red Cliff


Red Cliff - 4/10
Directed by John Woo
Cast - Tony Leung, Takeshi Kaneshiro,vicky zhao

Plot Summary
Based on the events during the Three Kingdoms period in Ancient China in which specifically told in the title, The Battle of Red Cliffs.

Review
I'm actually beginning to get sick and tired of John Woo.He really has been dong shit movies(paycheck) recently.This movie will probably be enjoyed to those who are into the romance of the three kingdom history.for those who don't know shit will probably be wondering what the fuck is going on.
Lets start with the good parts.
The production for this movie is simply unbelievable.Using thousands of extras is an old school way of film making and kudos to John Woo for his vision on this.The costumes also really stand out.The battle scenes aren't really spectacular but rather interesting to say the least.And according to my friends,Red Cliff is pretty close to the book.
And now for the shit parts.
The casting is horse shit.As mush as I love Tony Leung's style of acting,he was absolutely rubbish in this.His acting was like as though the fella was bored and he was forced to do this shit.He totally doesn't not suit the character(Zhou Yu) he portrays.In fact I think he should be acting as Takeshi Kaneshiro's role,Zhuge Liang instead.And speaking of Takeshi Kaneshiro,this fella is just eye candy.He cant act for shit but he is hard working..just like Andy Lau.he was horrendous in warlords and he is horrendous in Red Cliff also.He has a stupid smile in this movie which irritates the hell out of me.
Vicky Zhao as Sun Shangxian can suck my shit and die.her retarded look is not fooling anyone.Every time she appears in a scene,I feel like impaling her with chopsticks.
The script is probably written by a retard(could be the cunt vicky zhao).Really awful dialogues which sometimes made me groan even though I am reading the subtitles.It surely must be more horrifying for those who understand Chinese.And what the fuck is with all the goddamn doves.I know it's John Woo's trademark but does he have to use the fucking doves all the fucking time???
Editing was rather so so.there were some scenes especially the battle scenes where it has been cut abruptly.
Cinematography and camera works were not bad.but there are some parts where the camera works were done in a rather exaggerated way and totally unnecessary also.
Red Cliff is just Part one.The second part will be shown in October if I'm not mistaken.Lets hope the second part will be way much better.if its not..then John Woo can go fuck his doves..in slow motion.


Best Quote
He started this war because of a woman?

Recommended movies by the directorhard boiled
A better tomorrow
Face off
Broken Arrow

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Movie review of Felon

Felon - 7/10
Directed by Ric Roman Waugh
Cast - Stephen Dorff,Val Kilmer,Harold Perrineau

Plot Summary
A family man convicted of killing an intruder must cope with life afterward in the violent penal system.

Review
A definite must watch for all prison movie fans.This is one of the best prison movies I have watched so far. Felon has a good plot, good script and great
acting. No nonsense,no bullshit. It's been awhile since I saw Stephen Dorff acting in a decent well made movie.Val Kilmer was simply outstanding in this movie and so was Harold Perineau.The tenacity between Harold and Val's characters was good. What I really liked about Felon is the story and the cinematography. The cameraworks was pretty good and so was the editing. Of course kudos to Ric Roman for his direction. Simple yet effective to capture the viewer's attention. What you got to watch out for are the real life criminals who are acting in this movie. By the looks of some ,you just don't want them as your bunkmate cause for sure they are gonna fuck you up. Worth getting the dvd.

Recommended movies by the director
None that I know

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Movie review of The Mummy 3: Tomb of the dragon emperor


The Mummy 3: Tomb of the dragon emperor - 2.5/10
Directed by Rob CohenCast - Brendan Fraser,Maria Bello,Michelle Yeoh,Jet Li

Plot Summary
In the Far East, trouble-seeking father-and-son duo Rick and Alex O'Connell unearth the mummy of the first Emperor of Qin -- a shape-shifting entity who was cursed by a wizard centuries ago.

Review
This is by far definitely the worst movie of the mummy series.Everything went wrong,from plot to script to special effects to acting.why on earth did they do this movie?The first 2 mummy movies was based in egypt which was good.why they had to change location let alone an entire different folklore...I have no idea.what's next?? doing a movie in india?? aka the mummy 4:rise of the maharajah?
As an action movie director,Rob Cohen is next to shit.The fella's direction is horrible,all the action sequences are boring and ridiculous.The CGI for this movie was rubbish as well.I hated it when Jet Li's character rejuvenates himself with fire whenever his face starts to fall off.That was god awful.To make matters worse,terrible editing did not help this movie one bit.
I wouldnt be surprised if the story was written by a retard cause one moment you have chinese mummies,then suddenly you have chinese communist armies and at one point of time you have abdominable snowmen...yes you would probably be saying that in a question mark..just as exactly as Brandon fraser would phrase it into this movie.What the fuck happened there?And there are so many obvious mistakes in this movie.Like for an example,Jet Li's character was turned into mummy he was in the palace,and when he awakes the motherfucker is sitting on a chariot with stone horses.and thats not all.2000 years ago,he had a moustache and when he awoke,he was clean shaven...WHO THE FUCK SHAVED OFF HIS MOUSTACHE????
As for acting wise,nothing good as well.It was a good thing that Rachel Weiss did not want to be part of this movie cause she knew it was gonna be shit.To replace a british actress,you get an american actress with a fake shitty british accent is what I would call a really stupid move.I love Maria Bello,she is an outstanding actress(The Cooler) but the way she acted in this movie was bad.Brandon Fraser..well he acted as a caveman(The Encino Man) for god's sake.The son,Luke Ford can fuck off and die and so can his lovebird,Isabella Leong.Michelle Yeoh's character is a 2000 year old immortal witch living in a cave in china and wears exuberant clothes and speaks english...Nuff said.Like I said before in my previous reviews,Jet Li is great when he is the baddie and shouldnt be speaking english which is what he did for the mummy 3.but unfortunately for the bad script and plot,it didnt help one single bit.check this out,Jet Li's character is a dragon emperor who has control of five elements and can also turn into a 3 headed dragon and a really big doglike thingy.Need I say more?

Do not bother wasting your money on this horse shit they call The Mummy 3.


Best Quote
none.its a shit script

Recommended movies by the director
the fast and the furious
xxx
rat race

Monday, August 4, 2008

Movie review of The Love Guru

The Love Guru - 3/10
Directed by Marco Schnabel
Cast - Mike Myers,Jessica Alba,Justin Timberlake,Verne Troyer,Romany Malco

Plot Summary
Pitka an American raised outside of his country by gurus, returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business. His first challenge: To settle the romantic troubles and subsequent professional skid of a star hockey player whose wife left him for a rival athlete.

Review
What a horrible movie.What the fuck was Mike Myers thinking? The whole movie is as if it is an Austin Powers gone Indian feel to it.If you think the plot was bad,the script is the worst of all. Sadly it is a fucked up movie with a shitty plot,a shitty script and shitty acting. Only Mike Myers and Verne Troyer weren't that bad but then again they werent spectacularly funny either.Justin Timberlake should not quit his day job,fucker cant act for shit let alone try to be funny.Jessica Alba should be in porn cause for that great body of hers,she has zero acting skills. As usual,Sir Ben Kingsley can add this fucked up movie in his collection cause he likes to do about 2000 shitty fuckall movies and 1 great one.
Don't even bother watching this movie,it just insults your sense of humour.

Best Quotes
Guru Pitka: If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your Uncle jack off an elephant?

Recommended movies by the director
None

P.s :Apparently this movie when it was about to be released in the US, the Hindu community went apeshit. They stated that the movie discriminates the Indian race, the gurus, the Indian accent and all that shit. They even spread a message across the world to boycott this movie and even got the Catholic community in it as well.All the more I wanted to watch this movie, cause unlike those under the rock dwelling,uptight,over zealous,fascist,religious fanatical cunts, I KNOW, IT'S JUST A FUCKING MOVIE!! AND NOBODY GIVES A SHIT!

Movie review of Meet Dave

Meet Dave - 3/10
Directed by Brian Robbins
Cast - Eddie murphy,Elizabeth Banks,Scott Caan,Ed Helms,Gabrielle Union

Plot Summary
A crew of miniature aliens operate a spaceship that has a human form. While trying to save their planet, the aliens encounter a new problem, as their ship becomes smitten with an Earth woman.

Review
I am actually really sick and tired of seeing Eddie Murphy doing fuckall movies one after another. It'
s very obvious he can't act for shit (fuck dreamgirls) and he definitely doesn't know how to select scripts. Eddie, please do us all a favour and stop making kiddie, Disney oriented movies and Go back to stand up. The special effects on this movie was shitty and could have done much better. The cinematography was sub standard, the editing was mediocre and you have really fucked up direction. Then again this is coming from a director who did another fuckshit movie with Eddie Murphy called Norbit. There are only a few funny moments and once u start to laugh at that,the next scene will be filled with something stupid that will makes you irritated once again.The 80's Eddie Murphy movies despite its silliness was at least funny.Now it is still silly but it ain't funny anymore.
DO not watch this movie at all in the cinemas,save your money or just wait for it to appear on tv.

Best Quote
Captain: Number 3, do we have significant linguistic information to communicate with these natives?
No. 3 - Cultural Officer: Yes, I tapped into their central planetary database named "Google."
Captain: What a frivolous name for such a vital function.
No. 3 - Cultural Officer: Well, if you prefer, there's another called "Ya Hoo."
Captain: Baffling!

Recommended movies by the director
Hardball(Keanu Reeves)
Ready to Rumble(Oliver Platt)

Movie review of Wall-E

Wall-E - 7/10
Directed by Andrew Stanton
Cast - Voices Sigourney Weaver,John Ratzenberger

Plot Summary
In the distant future, a small waste collecting robot that slowly begins to become sentient inadvertently embarks on a space journey that will ultimately decide the fate of mankind.

Review
A really cute show. Somehow how, Wall-E reminds me of E.T. The special effects for this movie is pretty good. I really like the voices used for the main robots. A pretty good story with a moral lesson. Very little script is used which can be a good thing sometimes. Editing was commendable as well.For sure, kids and adults will defintely like watching this movie. I can also foresee kids going apeshit on Wall-E toys and all that. However for a weekend price ticket,I just dont think it is worth it cause it is short and not exactly spectacular for an animated cartoon movie. so like I was saying earlier,worth watching on a weekday.

Best Quotes
Ship's Computer: Voice confirmation required.
Captain: Uhhh...
Ship's Computer: Voice confirmation accepted.

Recommended movies by the director
Finding Nemo
Bug's life

Movie review of Sukiyaki Western Django

Sukiyaki Western Django - 7/10
Directed by Miike Takashi
Cast - Quentin Tarantino, Hideaki Ito,

Plot Summary
Set during "The Genpei Wars" at the end of the 1100s, the Minamoto and Taira gangs face off in a town named Yuda, while a deadly gunman (Ito Hideaki) comes to the aid of the townsfolk. It's a spaghetti western...think samurai swords with cowboy six shooters and a Gaettling gun..

Review
Just like Quention Tarantino,I am a big fan of Miike Takashi's works.My first ever movie from him was the unforgetable Iitchi the Killer,which was super violent and funny. Veresince that cult classic,I have been trying to follow whatever movies he has done.Sukiyaki Western Django is a cult classic spaghetti western where Japanese actors are western cowboys speaking in a heavy thick Japanese accented English. With a weird ass title like that,you would expect everything to go wrong,but not if Miike is involved in it.
The cameraworks and cinematography is fucking excellent. I love the colouring as well. The whole blood in snow effect is really good even the editing was well done. The script is funny even though you definitely need to see the subtitles cause at times you can't understand what the fuck are they saying in that thick jap accent.
The direction of course is superb. There are lots of really cool scenes in this movie especially the kill scenes.
definitely worth watching on a weekend and getting the dvd. I know I will.

Best Quote
Ringo: The sound of the Gion Shoja temple bells echoes the impermanence of all things; the color of the sala flowers reveals the truth that to florish is to fall. The proud do not endure, like a passing dream on a night in spring; the mighty fall at last, to be no more than dust before the wind.


Recommended movies by the director
Audition
Iitchi the killer

Dead or Alive