Saturday, 6 October 2018

Movie review of Venom

Venom - 1.5/10

I was really looking forward to this. The trailer also got me excited. It was good to know that Tom Hardy was portraying Eddie Brock/Venom. Barely five mins into the movie, I knew this was going to be a lanjiao piece of shit movie and the worst part is, it was a LONG lanjiao piece of shit movie.

What the fuck happened lah SONY? What the fuck did you do? You were doing pretty ok with Spiderman even though you changed Spidey about 5000 times and kept Benjamin Buttoning Aunt May. What the fuck happened with Venom? First it was supposed to be for mature audience just like Deadpool then you had to edit the shit out of the movie to make it to PG13 just so Venom can join Spiderman ah? Even so, why cut until like that?

The editing was so bad that it disrupted the flow of the story. One moment, The story was being rushed to get to the part where Brock becomes Venom, then when he is just about to, the pace is slowed down. That scene when Anne is driving Eddie to the hospital. How many times do I need to see fucking Anne from the rear view mirror?
Script was fucking cringe worthy. There are some lines that I can't believe Venom would say shit like that.
The fight sequences are really hard to watch cos the CGI was very messy. Especially the fight with Riot and Venom. Half the time I don't know what the fuck was going on.

Acting was shit as well. Michelle Williams. She had horrible make up and her acting was as bad as Venom Dog. (yup, there was a Venom Dog). Riz Ahmed as Riot.... if there ever was a symbiote with the name, Quiet, it would suit Riz Ahmed better. Tom Hardy. Sigh... you are better than this. I can forgive you for that shit movie you did with Reese Witherspoon cos I thought that was your worse movie. Not anymore. Please don't do the sequel and fuck up your cred. Just give it back to Topher Grace for fuck sake.

Look, it's pretty simple. I totally understand that you want to change some stuff up like his origin story or even removing the iconic logo, that's fine. but if you are going to come up with a screenplay that is going to be like a fucking C grade Tamil movie minus the songs and dance, then Fuck You. I totally blame the writers for this colossal fuck up of a movie. Jeff Pinkner, Scott Rosenberg and Kelly Marcel. I did a quick look up on what were their previous works. Out of the 3 cheebyes, 2 have written really shit movies. Jeff did Dark Towers and Kelly did 50 shades of grey. 50 FUCKING SHADES OF GREY??? Didn't that fucking movie get worst movie of the year or some shit? Fuck lah. There are so many shit scenes that baffled me. Venom Dog was one, Venom girl was another and Riot travelling all the way from Malaysia to America.(Yup, Riot can be Malaysian Symbiote now). Let that sink in for a bit.
I suggest Riot should go to Harry Kok Siew Yok instead, cos he is the Malaysian and he is nearby. Knn. Fuck this movie.

Don't bother watching 50 shades of Venom in the cinema. Just download and watch. Save your money. Even if you do watch the movie, you are going to be really annoyed with the song at the end of the movie as well.

Sunday, 12 August 2018

Movie review of Mission Impossible: Fallout

Mission Impossible: Fallout - 7.5/10
Directed by Christopher McQuarrie

I have been a fan of Tom Cruise and Mission Impossible since the first one directed by Brian De Palma. The only one that sucked ass was the second one directed by John Woo and yes it had doves in it as usual. So I was generally excited for the 6th installation of this amazing franchise. As usual, Tom Cruise (who is in his 50s) took it up another notch on the stunts involved and it is crazier than ever.

The plot wasn't good, script was so so and acting was a little shit. Ving Rhymes looked old and botoxed, Simon Pegg was his usual silly self, Rebecca Ferguson looked really weird at her first scene, not too sure if it was the make up or effects. Henry Cavill was horrible except for the very last scene of his and the other bad guy from the previous movie sound and look like a fucking mouse. Fuck him. There is only one true villain for the Mission Impossible movies and that will always be the late great Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

Now the stunts done are absolutely fucking insane.From the halo jump, to the motorcycle ride to the classic Tom Cruise running, they are all done with tons of practice and perfected to a tee. Mad respect to the camera crew for this as well.There are some really amazing shots.

Since the plot and a few other things were pretty much shit, why did I give such a high rating? Well, for the last 30 mins of the movie, it got fucking intense. A real edge of the seat thriller. I completely stopped munching food and got riveted to the action. It really was a fucking crazy intense 30 mins lah. At the end of the movie, you are bound to lean back and heave a sigh of relief. Relief that Tom Cruise is still alive after all that stunts and he is bound to do it again.

Monday, 23 July 2018

Movie review of Sicario: Day of the Soldado

Sicario: Day of the Soldado - 2/10

I was so looking forward to watching the sequel to Sicario. A gem of a movie starring Josh Brolin and the unforgettable Benicio Del Toro. After watching Day of the Soldado, I was massively disappointed. They shouldn't have done this fucking movie at all. Sicario doesn't need a sequel or a fucking trilogy. It was great enough as a stand alone.

From the get go, it was turning to shit. The plot already was stupid. Mexicans smuggling terrorists instead of drugs. So the US government's plan is to make 2 cartels fight each other and to start the fight, they just kidnap one of the cartel boss's daughter. The 2 main charcters, Brolin and Del Toro were fantastic in Sicario. Brutal, cold and will do anything to get things done. In Soldado, they suddenly have heart. Fuck you lah.

Taylor Sheridan wrote both movies. I don't know how you went from a masterpiece to a complete shit show. Soldado is shit because of you. Thanks a lot asshole.

Then comes a scene, I thought if they ended it there, it would have been a some what, reasonable movie. But no... they did two additional fucking scenes which pissed me off so much. The last 15 mins of the movie was just fucking disastrous, I really wanted to walk off the fucking cinema or punch someone. And now, I really don't feel like watching the first movie ever again. All because of this piece of shit.

Casting. The cartel's daughter, Isabela Moner was annoying and totally irrelevant. Del Toro and Brolin were decent. They are good actors following a lanjiao script. That last line by Del Toro, "SO YOU WANT TO BE A SICARIO?" Knn this one what? Reality TV series ah? Fuck you lah. Third movie, you probably see Leon fucking Lai as the next top Sicario. FUCK THIS!

Don't bother watching this in the cinema. In fact, if you truly enjoyed watching Sicario, don't watch Soldado, cause all it does is ruin the first one.

Monday, 16 July 2018

Movie review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - 3.5/10

One of the blockbuster movies that I was looking forward to this year. Sadly it has been massively disappointing. I loved ALL of the Jurassic park movies even Jurassic World was enjoyable. But Fallen Kingdom on the other hand is a piece of shit.

There are so many things wrong with this movie. I understand the director wanted to do something something different and away from the first three movies. But come on lah. Knn you been cloning dinosaurs and now you go and clone a human. For fuck? so the next title is going to be what? Jurassic Girl ah? Is she going to be riding on top of the T-Rex as well?

Of course Dr Wu makes yet another new dinosaur, he added all sorts of DNA like as though he ordering nasi padang. And what do they call the new dinosaur? INDORAPTOR. Knn this raptor from Indonesia ah? Indo Mee ah? Fuck you lah.

There are many other really stupid scenes as well. one of them when the Indomee raptor was chasing "Jurassic girl". That sunni ran and hid in her bed. When they cloned her, they left out the brain ah?
And the whole rooftop scene was just ridiculous. Indomee raptor comes out of nowhere like a RKO.

Worse part is, they are planning to more sequels which will deviate further away from the first three movies.

I don't know about you guys, but I think I have pretty much given up on this once beloved franchise.

Monday, 9 April 2018

Movie review of A Quiet Place

A Quiet Place - 8.5/10
Directed by John Krasinski

I remember watching the teaser trailer for this quite some time back and thought to myself that this might just be something interesting. And indeed it was, when I watched it last week. A Quiet Place completely took me by surprise. It is definitely one of my top movies for this year. Everything was pretty much perfect. A fantastic screenplay with a great cast would always make a compelling movie and A Quiet Place is no exception.

Casting was great. When you only need a handful of actors for the movie, choosing a good actor with chemistry is important. John Krasinski and Emily Blunt who are real life couples fitted perfectly. John Krasinski is the director as well. But the ones who stole the show to me are the kids, Noah Jupe and Milicent Simmonds. For a movie that has very little script, the actors have to really heavily on facial expressions to tell the story and everyone did that. John Krasinski of "Office" fame has that look, that can change from happy to sad. Emily Blunt to me always had that tortured tired look, like what she did in "Sicario". But to me the kids were the best. Noah Jupe had that really scared shitless expression, I kinda felt sorry for the fella. Milicent Simmonds who is really deaf in real life, was the one for me. There was a brief period in the movie where I was furious with her. When someone who can make me hate a character easily, is definitely a good actor. And for Milicent, she does it all with facial expressions. Absolutely brilliant.

The whole experience watching A quiet Place is intense as fuck from the get go. You will be gripping to someone or the seat itself. That's how intense the movie is. Camera works were good and I have to say John Krasinski did a pretty good job directing this.

All in all, you really need to watch A Quiet Place in the cinema. You won't really have the same experience watching it from home. Because Sound is very important in this movie.

Absolutely worth watching on a weekend. Watch it with your loved ones but not kids. And a word of advice, don't bring in food like popcorn or potato chips. Trust me, you won't even be eating it.

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

Movie review of Ready Player One

Ready Player One - 5.5/10
Directed by Steven Spielberg

One of the few movies, I have mixed feelings about. I guess its because I have read the book. And now after watching the movie, I wouldn't say its great, it's quite shit actually. Those who haven't read the book, will enjoy the movie because the nostalgic factor is high. But those who have read the book, will be disappointed and pissed at how bad the book was butchered. And of all people, it's Spielberg. I understand it's not easy transitioning a book to a movie and there are some changes they had to make due to copyrights and all. Even if you have to change the story line a bit also I can understand but the way the story was butchered, even parts that are not important is why I am quite disappointed with Ready Player One.
Casting. Ty Sheridan as Wade/Percival looks a little too old and his acting is too rigid. Making Sho as a 11 year old Chinese boy is probably to get into the Chinese market. A bit cheebye but understandable. In the book, there are a few deaths, in the movie, all are alive and well. That's probably Spielberg being Spielberg. Everything must be happy. Even Wade's back story also changed horribly. Making the Auntie look like a nice person. Why? That part you didn't have to change it from the book what. Olivia Cooke as Art3mis and Lena Waithe as Aech were good choices. They played their roles well. T.J Miller as I-Rok had some funny lines but ill timed. Ben Mendelsohn as Sorrento was rubbish. Want to be the bad guy but act cute. Fuck you lah. Simon Pegg as Ogden Morrow was a good choice however very little screen time and should have been given a larger role.
Soundtrack was fun and all the movie references of cult classics were the only good things going for me. Watching the Delorean again and pointing out so many classic pop culture and gaming characters, made me grin and laugh even though I knew some of them were not in the book.

All in all, Ready Player One is a fun nostalgic movie to watch with your loved ones, provided if you haven't read the book. If you have read the book, I suggest you watch it on a weekday so you won't really get too pissed.

Monday, 26 March 2018

Movie review of Death Wish

Death Wish - 4/10
Directed by Eli Roth

I'm starting to notice a pattern about Bruce Willis. It started with A Good Day to Die Hard (which is the most lanjiao movie of the Die Hard franchise). Every movie since then, Bruce Willis has not given a fuck about acting anymore. From Good Day to Die Hard to Death Wish, almost all of his movies, he gives the same "Eh Fuck you lah, I'm bald Bruce Willis. I don't need to act" look. From the smirks to the damn "sian" style of delivering lines, he has been doing the same shit and its starting to get a little annoying.

I fondly remember watching the original Death Wish with my dad as he was a huge Charles Bronson fan. The original Death Wish was gritty and a cult classic. The sequels after were a little meh but it's ok cause they had Charles motherfucking Bronson in it. Man, was that fella a badass. So when I found out that Bored Willis (I'm gonna call him that from now on) was gonna act in the remake directed by Eli Roth, I thought OK, let's give it a try.

I felt Eli Roth did a pretty decent job. The kill scenes were brutal and made me cringe a little. You expect nothing less from a guy who did Hostel, Hostel 2 and Cabin Fever. Soundtrack was a little weird. I don't know why ACDC's Back in Black was used for a sort of training sequence montage, it just didn't click and I thought ACDC can pretty much work well for any kind of movie. Well, I was wrong.

It was nice to see Dean Norris doing a Hank (Breaking Bad) kind of role. Elisabeth Shue did what she did cause her role was pretty small. I couldn't recognize her at first, I thought it was Kyra Sedgewick. hahahaha.  The immensely talented Vincent D'Onoforio was severely under used. This guy does fucking fantastic villain roles and I felt he should have been given a bigger role for this. Bored Willis was... well.. bored as usual. Knn even sad scenes also, he looked bored. I burst out laughing at his attempt of crying. Chialat lah the fella.

Now Death Wish may look like its advocating for guns and all despite what's going on in America and timing couldn't be any worse. Maybe that's why it didn't do really well. Either that or people are starting to be just as bored as Bored Willis.

You don't really need to watch this in a cinema, just wait for it on cable will do.

Movie review of Red Sparrow

Red Sparrow - 4/10
Directed by Francis Lawrence

Spy or espionage movies don't really have a lot of action in them. They mostly depend on the drama, the acting, script and plot twists. I'm not gonna count the Bond franchise because that's pretty much action with good looking people and what not. I'm talking about movies like Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Tailor of Panama or A Most Wanted Man where the focus is mainly on acting and delivering the script. Sadly, Red Sparrow tries too hard and becomes a little dull and draggy. And you can see the plot twist and reveal pretty much a mile away.

I didn't really like the casting as well. Jennifer Lawrence can be a good actress in certain movies but Red Sparrow is clearly not suited for her. First of all she is not really consistent with the accent. Whenever she shouts or gets angry, the Russian accent disappears. Second, her face is too bubbly for scenes which show distress or pain. That particular scene where she strips naked to sort of emasculate the guy who wants to fuck her, I was not convinced one bit. If you give that kind of scene to actresses like Marion Cotillard or Noomi Rapace, Fucking hell.. I will probably chop my cock off in shame. The worst casting was Mary Louise Parker. What the fuck was she doing? She acted like as though it was an episode of Weeds. Matthias Schoenaerts was not too bad. I remembered him from the movie, Rust and Bone. Even Joel Edgerton was decent, I still think someone else could have done his role better. Veterans like Ciaran Hinds and Jeremy Irons were given small roles and under utilized. Both pretty much did fuckall actually.

Direction and camera works was alright. Plot wise, it was a little draggy and too much focus on the training. Sitting down like a classroom, touching nipples and showing tits, dicks and ass is not really a training sequence for me.

Overall, Red Sparrow is a forgettable movie and I will not watch it again. Just wait for cable to watch for those who haven't.

Tuesday, 20 February 2018

Movie Review of Black Panther

Black Panther - 7/10

I'm not a big fan of Black Panther comics and I haven't really read much of his stuff so I wouldn't really know how much the movie has deviated from the comic. So I'm writing my review just as a movie fan's perspective.
I enjoyed Black Panther as a visual treat. It's very obvious there has been a lot of effort and work done. The designs for the city, Wakanda reminds me of futuristic city that is not bleak but happy. I really liked the intricate costume designs for all the tribes. They were made in such a way that you can tell each tribe have their own costumes and colours and they looked beautiful. My personal favs are the tribe with the dude who has a huge coaster like thing on his lower lip and the Jabari Lady warriors.Those ladies are fierce as fuck.
Casting for Black Panther was pretty good as well. The ones that stole the scenes for me were Michael B Jordan as Kilmonger and Danai Gurrira as Okoye. Danai was my fav character, Michone in the TV series, Walking Dead. The reason I say "was" is cos the fucking series which used to be great is boring as fuck now and should be called Sleeping Dead instead. Anyway, Danai's fight choreography was great to watch as well. I remember watching Michael B Jordan as a kid in my fav TV series called The Wire. He has definitely grown up to be a fine actor and I look forward to watching many more of his movies. His only shit movie was the disastrous Fantastic Four remake which was painful to watch. Jordan plays a rather different type of villain in this movie. A bad guy whom the audience can understand and probably relate to due to shit going on in America.
Direction for this movie was pretty good as well. I got to give it to Ryan Coogler. He did an indie flick called Fruitvale Station which was a really good movie. Then he went on to do Creed which I found it to be great as well. Both movies feature Michael B Jordan as well. I will definitely keep an eye out for his future works.

All in all , Black Panther is a fun movie to watch which has a decent story line and script which does make you kind of reflect.Especially that last line of Killmonger. Thought provoking and quote worthy as well. I really liked that line.

Worth watching on a weekend.

PS- There are 2 end credit scenes which aren't really important. You can skip it and find out online later on instead of waiting.

Wednesday, 7 February 2018

Movie revew of The Cloverfield Paradox

The Cloverfield Paradox - 4.5/10

All I can say The Cloverfield Paradox is that it had an interesting marketing strateg for a lanjiao movie. I still think of all the Clovefield movies so far, Paradox is the worst. The first one was the best and blew my mind.
I just love movies when you have a bunch of people stuck in space and you watch them do some crazy scary shit. It can be alien or any other shit. As long as its in space, in a cool looking ship and some fuck shit is gonna happen. Alien, Event Horizon, Life, Gravity were all great examples of Sci fi Horror movies. The Cloverfield Paradox sadly wont be in that list.
I will say Paradox had a great start, then it got a little bit ridiculous in the middle and downright stupid towards the end.
Half the fuck time, I don't understand what the fuck is going on. You can keep saying the fucking word "Paradox" 5000 times. It still doesn't explain much and it doesn't make the movie look smart either.
There are two things that annoyed the shit out of me in this movie. One was the arm scene. It was a great idea for a scare but the execution and acting fucked it up. and giving it a fucking pen was fucking stupid as well.
Second was this. You have a team of scientists/ astronauts from different countries. You got an English, a Russian, a German, an Italian or French (I can't remember) and a Chinese. When everyone is speaking English, why the fuck must the Chinese be speaking in Mandarin only? So the rest of staff need to learn how to speak Mandarin on top of saving the world? What kind of fucking lanjiao logic is that? Cheebye, you cannot make Zhang Zhiyi speak English ah? Really fucking stupid.
The casting was horrible for this movie. Chris O'Dowd is not right for this movie at all. His reactions were shit. The main actress ho was supposed to be the most level headed character does something dumb towards the end which just makes me question, what the fuck is the writer doing? Wasted lah, this movie had the potential to be great but bad acting and story ruined it.

Don't bother watching The Cloverfield Paradox, it's a waste of time.

Friday, 26 January 2018

Movie review of Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri - 8/10

This is definitely going to be one of my best movies for 2018. I thoroughly enjoyed watching this. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri is written and directed by Martin McDonagh. Martin is also known for In Bruges and Seven Psychopaths. Both equally enjoyable movies even though they were not mainstream.

Direction and how this movie was filmed was simple and nothing fantastic. The key ingredient for Martin McDonagh's movies has always been the script and acting. And for Three Billboards, you have that. An absolutely funny script and a fucking solid cast comprising of Frances McDormand, Woody Harrelson and Sam Rockwell. Frances was as her usual stellar self. She has done some fine acting and had some good choices of roles over the years and it sure helps if your husband is Joel Coen. Woody Harrelson is the kind of actor who can do pretty much any fucking role. Hero, psycho, comedy. You name it, Woody can do it. However in Three billboards, as brilliant as he was, Woody was not surprisingly overshadowed by the underrated yet brilliant Sam Rockwell. Every scene Sam Rockwell and Frances McDormand are in a scene, it is fucking funny and brilliant. The chemistry between them is fantastic.

The good thing about these actors is that they really choose their roles and do a fantastic job at it. Sam has done some really good movies and worked with some good upcoming directors. I always remembered him in the Star Trek spoof comedy, The Galaxy Quest. This is one actor whom I follow and I hope to see many more fantastic acting from him.

I highly recommend everyone to watch this movie. Worth watching on a weekend.

Favourite Lines
Mildred Hayes: Hey fuckhead!
Dixon: What?
Desk Sergeant: Don't say what, Dixon. When she comes in calling you a "fuckhead."

Mildred Hayes: So how's it all going in the nigger- torturing business, Dixon?
Dixon: It's 'Persons of color'-torturing business, these days, if you want to know. And I didn't torture nobody.